7 Ways to Shun Your Very Own Body-Shaming Script

By Jeff Ochoa January 28, 2019 Healthy Tips, Motivation 0 Comments

7 Ways to Shun Your Very Own Body-Shaming Script

Who is your worst enemy? It is unfortunate to say that it is neither your long-time adversary at work nor your high school best friend. Most often than not, you are your worst enemy and you would often criticize yourself for your failures and mistakes. It is no wonder then that when it comes to your own body, you would tend to be very critical of its imperfections as well. Body-shaming is quite common especially when you experience bodily changes such as when you gain weight, get pregnant, or as you age. Other people around you can be extremely critical about how you look and would even throw nasty words at you until you begin to believe it yourself.

And then, you look at yourself in the mirror and that is when the body-shaming worsens. You look at your body and you yourself feel icky about the way you look. You criticize how out of shape you are, how unfashionable, and how ugly. You don’t like doing this to yourself but you feel like it is the truth. While being honest with yourself can be a positive thing, you do not stop there. Honesty has to give way to acceptance and acceptance has to lead to a desire to change things and improve for the better. There are ways to change that body-shaming script that you have taken upon yourself and bring back that positive self-image and high self-esteem.

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Let’s get to the Whys first

If you criticize your own self, why wouldn’t others? The body-shaming script that plays again and again in your mind did not come out of nowhere. Everything around you, your environment, plays a major role in forming that script. Media in particular would paint that image of how a perfect body is supposed to look like and in your mind, you should either have that or end up ugly and unsexy. What media tries to project these days is that, it is not enough that you are just slim or skinny. You have to have those most-coveted abs, well-toned shoulders, super-trimmed waists, and doll-like appearance. Leslie Goldman, a body image expert based in Chicago pointed out how social media has set the “thigh-gap” as a benchmark for sexiness. Try standing upright and let your feet touch then see if there is a space in between your inner thighs. If you don’t, then you are not desirable – or so social media would tell you.

Sounds a bit stupid but the media is so powerful in setting the ideals that you would tend to rigidly believe in these standards. Thing is, it tends to negatively affect you, enough to make you wallow in endless body-shaming. While the brain has an information processing system where it is able to make objective evaluations and judgment, it will take a lot of work to come to a point where you do not let criticisms bring your self-esteem down to smithereens. Most of the time, you get affected by what you see and hear around you especially when other people would criticize you.

Psychotherapist, Dr. Holly Parker, of Edith Nourse Rogers Memorial Veterans Hospital likens the brain to a four year old who is hopped up on candies and would go around labeling everything that he sees. The brain would come up with all sorts of things and while some of it are accurate, the rest are not really true and would never be beneficial to you in any way. And so, while body-shaming can be accepted as inevitable behavior, the negativity that goes with it should never be taken for granted. Dr. Parker has emphasized how body negativity can eventually lead to low self-esteem, depression, and eating disorders. Body-shaming sets the stage for you feeling worse about yourself and your life in general. The consequences do not stop at that point where you feel bad about yourself and how your day is going – it is bound to effect the other domains of the life that you were supposed to live happily.

Shun that Body-Shaming Script

You simply cannot allow your own body-shaming script to eat you alive. There is so much that you can do to get rid of your own enemy. You have to change that inner conversation that’s going on inside your mind and stop putting yourself down. Here are 7 ways you can deal with body-shaming and transform that negative scripting into a positive, more productive one:

Be your own friend

Most of the time, your tendency is to treat your friends better than you treat yourself. You are more tolerable of your friends when they make mistakes but you can be very impatient with yourself. If you want to get rid of your own body-shaming script, you have to learn to love yourself and give yourself some space to make mistakes because like your friends, you too are human. If you are not your own friend, then you will find yourself in a constant battle inside with one part of you being the judgmental, body-shaming self and the other part of you with its low self-esteem trying to survive the self-incrimination. You can almost hear those two voices where one seem to be constantly telling you you’re fat and you shouldn’t buy that dress because you will only look ugly in it.

Now, you can choose to continue listening to that bad guy or you can try to win over and drive the conversation towards transformation. Be your own friend and understand how you are not perfect and how important it is to accept your weaknesses together with your strengths. One trick that will help you deal with your own negative script is to try to be conscious about the words you utter and check whether you would dare to tell a loved one the same thing. So as you tell yourself how fat and ugly you are, ask yourself if it was your grandmother, best friend, or daughter you are telling it to, would you dare use those words on her? Most likely you would not because these people are precious to you and you will not dare hurt them with those insulting words. In the same way, you have to think that when you say something bad to yourself, you are inflicting harm to your own self as well. And if you love yourself, you will think twice about doing that.

You have to be more of a friend who loves you, cares about you, and says positive things that comfort you and not cause you pain. Dr. Parker confirms how it is going to be difficult to re-train the brain to become reasonable and compassionate after years of negative programming from your external environment. But it is more important to change your path from self-doubt into self-trust, confidence, and love today more than ever. Dr. Parker suggests that you have to step away from the ugly stories that the mind is used to and create newer ways of thinking.

Organize your thoughts

You have to learn to be selective about what you buy into and what you discard. By training your mind to put your thoughts into proper perspective, you will be able to sift through the information that’s bombarding you from the outside and choose only those that will ultimately help you more than destroy you. When you are able to reframe your thoughts, you will be more empowered to take in only those which make you feel better about yourself and make you feel stronger. This is instead of feeding your mind with all the negativity that is bound to leave you feeling bad about who you are.

So the next time you notice something and your mind will tell you some stories about it, make a conscious choice about whether you will buy into these stories or not. Most of the time, the mind will tell you how these stories are the truth and you need to be aware of this mechanism now so that you can make the right decision each time your environment presents you with a stimulus. What Parker suggests will help you achieve the concept of reframing your thoughts is visualization. For instance, imagine that you are walking into a boutique and browsing through the clothes on display. Do you usually buy all the clothes that you see or do you choose from among their line of merchandise? Think about reframing your thoughts in the same way. You do not buy into everything that you see.

You meticulously look at each one. You research information. You analyze and validate – you do everything that you can first before you make a decision. In the boutique, you choose some clothes that you like. You try them on in the dressing room to see how they fit you and then you finally make the decision as to which ones to take home with you. Choose to reframe your thoughts and make yourself beautiful inside out.

Make it tangible

Change is a process and it can be challenging to go through. Body-shaming can be a habit that’s hard to lose and you have to make every effort to break from it if you are determined to make change happen and be able to love yourself more. During those days when you are feeling down and berating what you are seems easy, fight it off by writing down what you can do including your abilities, achievements and previous successes. When you are angry at yourself, it’s easy to say things like “I am not good enough”, “I am fat”, “I am not fit enough”, “I look ugly”, etc. And the body-shaming cycle goes on, leaving you hating yourself even more. Cut that cycle off from keeping on turning and remind yourself how you have done well at work or how great you are at parenting.

Goldman suggests writing these things down to make it tangible and therefore make you realize that you are more than the size of your favorite jeans. Just because you have not reached your body goals yet, means you will have the right to body-shaming. List down how you have successfully organized a corporate event; how you have raised your daughter all by yourself; how you have graduated with honors; and all other amazing achievements that you have. After that, you have to get the ball rolling and start walking the talk. Set the goals that you want to achieve with regards to your body and your fitness so you won’t have the chance to look at your own body negatively ever again. Choose goals that are most important to you like targeting your abs, losing some pounds, or trimming your legs. Be specific about each action that you want to take and work hard towards it. Don’t forget to reward yourself with the tiniest of victories and keep the positive self-talk and affirmation going.

Judge not

We can be quick to judge others and even quicker to judge ourselves. This has to stop though because the main purpose is to finally live without body-shaming and be at peace with yourself. Parker points out how majority of individuals seem to be wired to accept their negative thoughts instantly while they are very slow at accepting positive thoughts. If you are one of those who doubt your positive thoughts and accept negative ones without question, it’s time to raise your awareness of them and make a conscious effort to do the opposite. You have to consciously and deliberately separate your thoughts from the judgment. So the next time you are in front of the mirror and you tell yourself how gross you are, be aware that when you make such a judgment of yourself, your mind can believe that it is a fact even when it is not. Be aware that you are making a judgment of yourself which is actually far from reality.

Parker recommends at this point that you can acknowledge that you are making a judgment and such judgments have to be confirmed with reality. Make these kinds of reality checks regularly with your thoughts so they become less judgmental and self-destructive. The goal is to be able to make objective assessments of yourself that will help you move forward rather than stagnate or make you keep wallowing in self-pity. Peel off those judgmental eyes and put on the lens of reality.

Make yourself your only point of reference

Another bad habit that you need to change is comparing yourself with others. There is nothing good that can come out of that. You will never see yourself as better than you really are because you will be too busy looking at others instead of inside of yourself. Remember that you are unique. You have your own strengths and weaknesses in the same way that others have and so comparing yourself with others is simply useless. You can never be a Jennifer Lopez, Lady Gaga, or Beyonce because you are you – so stop comparing yourself to others. Instead focus on what you have and capitalize on them. Do not dwell on what you do not have especially when they are impossible to acquire.

When you are on social media and you keep scrolling your news feed, it’s easy to get tempted to compare how you look with others that you see in there. Without you knowing it, you slowly belittle yourself until you get on your body-shaming wagon again. Stop while you can and start making yourself as your own reference. Look at your own body and what you want to improve. Work on it and see yourself in the mirror. Keep working out and eating right until you are happy with what you are seeing.

Be mindful of destructive self-talk

This may sound crazy but you know how you would self-talk at times. While this is completely normal, what you should avoid though is negative self-talk. Think about it as verbally bullying your own self. While it is only happening inside your head, you can hear it loud and clear and of course it is going to affect you negatively. Because of this, it is important to acknowledge the destructive self-talk so you will be able to take action as it rises to your awareness and consciousness. Denying it and pushing the thoughts away will only build up inside of you and never get dealt with properly. When it comes, you have to dig deeper and investigate where it is coming from and how it came about. In this way, you will be able to determine exactly how you will resolve it so the body-shaming thoughts do not ever come back.

For instance, if you were able to trace that a significant someone has been verbally abusing you and calling you names, then it is time for those reality checks and see that the problem is with that person who is bullying you due to his own personal issues and is not really the reality of who you are. At this point, make a conscious effort and talk to yourself about how great you are as a person and that those criticisms you hear around you are not really reflective of who you are but is a mere projection of how they are feeling about themselves. Make more positive self-talk and see yourself as the good person that you really are.

Empower yourself

The fact that you fell into body-shaming before confirms how you have let it overpower you. It is time to get up and make a decision to become more powerful than your own body-shaming. Set your fitness goals and succeed in it so that you can start to feel confident about yourself. Accept both your strengths and weaknesses and change the things that you want to improve on. Make yourself strong and count on your newfound power to make better scripts.

Are you ready to lose weight, build muscle, or feel more fit? Join Beachbody On Demand, and get unlimited access to Beachbody’s world-famous programs, including 80 Day Obsession, 21 Day FIX®, Insanity, P90X® and 100’s more. Don’t miss out on your chance for amazing results. Sign up today!